i would punch a child for taco bell
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
