I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
