I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
