drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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