I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
