my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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