Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
