i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
4 words: hood of his car
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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