Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
