U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
