fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
