i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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