You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
