4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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