found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
