Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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