Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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