I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
