hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
