my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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