I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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