How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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