Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
