they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
