I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
