he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
