Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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