Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
