i think my tv is drunk
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
