At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if only i could text you this smell
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
