There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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