fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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