Who did Billy Mays play for?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
