I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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