i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
