you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
