Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
