I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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