Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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