You don't have asthma, your pregnant
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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