I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
