Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
