Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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