I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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