i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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