Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Bring me that man meat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
