Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
