Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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