turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
