i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
