I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
