I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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